Posts Tagged ‘stilettos’

What Do You Call a Female Pope?

March 15, 2013

By now you’ve seen our post about the new Pope, Jorge Mario Bergoglio and our recommendations for his Papal footwear. But for a moment, let’s just imagine that the Catholic Church displayed some unique open-mindedness, and the new Pope is a woman!
Now we can really look at shoes, y’all!!

Chances are, she wants a little height. I mean, those flowing robes can swallow up a petite girl. Perhaps she might rock some Valentino stilettos, with very Papal gold studded heels.

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We all know that Popes prefer Prada, so these high platform sandals with a cut out wedge could work well for summer, provided there is a pedicurist at the Vatican.

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Snakeskin Loubies are a status symbol and our Pope-ess might love the elegance of this sky-high heeled, peep toe pumps with a hidden platform. Christian Loubitan’s signature red soles are said to be good for a women’s soul, so we say “hallelujah” for this choice!

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Brian Atwood’s strappy zip front sandal could be a great way for the Popette to feel feminine and dare we say it, sexy. It’s the equivalent of wearing silk and lace lingerie under a conservative business suit… it’s a guilty pleasure only she knows about. Those vestments are pretty long, and hey, your secret is safe with us, girlfriend.

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Sometimes a girl needs comfort, and these Tory Burch ballerinas are iconic these days. The gold logo on the front kind of resembles a cross, doesn’t it?

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These shoe choices may not be needed now (although nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors) but it’s fun to dream. We are looking forward to the day that pink smoke blows from the Vatican chimneys, symbolizing the election of the first female Pope.

My Left Foot

April 5, 2012

I have an ugly little secret. Don’t tell anyone, but I have a bunion on my left foot. A really, really ugly bunion.

It’s been there for years.  For a long time, I considered it a badge of courage; a medal for enduring pounding runs, and teetering high heels. It came about during the late ‘90s, when pointy toes were all the rage, and grew larger as heels grew higher.

Despite slathering my feet with Vaseline every morning before I go to the gym, I have callouses in that area, as well as the occasional blister. Not pretty.

The bunion rarely hurts, so I just ignore it and hope it goes away.  Recently, I started experiencing some pain elsewhere on my foot, and when I looked at the slightly swollen area on the top of my foot, the red welts from uncomfortable shoes, and the big old lump sticking out of one side, I knew something needed to be done before sandal season.

As usual, rather than consult a real professional, I consulted Google. According to various websites of varying degrees of credibility, many bunions come from the toes being compressed for long periods of time. (Those stilettos really are to blame!) Most doctors recommend a simple surgery to reset the bones to their original locale.

In my opinion, no surgery is “simple” and I set out to find a home remedy.

If compression caused the problem, than it only seems natural that stretching the toes apart should reverse the damage, right?

While perusing the local Duane Reade the other day, I found my ally, by the name of

“Goodnight Bunion.”

“Goodnight Bunion” is a medieval looking contraption that hooks onto your big toe to “gently realign tight tendons and muscles in your foot while you sleep as an alternative to surgery.”

For a fully refundable $9.99, my foot problems are on the way out.

The first night, B tried to help me figure out how to put it on. She ultimately consulted her Holy Grail, YOUTUBE, where she found a video tutorial entitled “How to put on Goodnight Bunion.” Yes, it’s that complicated.

Once strapped into the thing, it is nearly impossible to walk. Sleeping with a big plastic thing on your foot is also challenging, unless you sleep flat on your back. Otherwise, the shin of your other leg gets very bruised, thus distracting you from the discomfort of your bunion.

The first 2 nights I had to take it off after only a couple of hours. It seems that one of the side effects of Goodnight Bunion, is Good Morning Arch Cramps!

Alas, enduring pain is the price of beauty, and I am determined to self heal my gnarly foot.


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